I have a niggling, underlying feeling that my character is or has been rubished, defamed outthere?

I think that there is plenty of hope for you but you need to realise that if you put yourself out there, not everyone is going to respond positively. I applaud you for being brave enough to share your story and being vulnerable to complete strangers. I think that things will improve for you once you start therapy and its good that you have already learnt to control your anger and not be controlled by past traumas. Everyone has low days and I think right now you're seeing everything through a negative filter. Don't look at things out of proportion, you have been proactive and responsible with your own health and with help you'll achieve even more success.